2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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