just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
