Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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