the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
