all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
