i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
