we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
