She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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