i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think i have two assholes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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