god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
