Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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