would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
