I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
