Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
