this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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