I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
