My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
