I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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