You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
