ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
that is very illegal...i love you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
