Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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