this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
