YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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