Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
