I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize