Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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