I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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