I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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