dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
