We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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