I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
