I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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