By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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