I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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