Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
