I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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