my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
