Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
