Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just high enough for therapy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize