my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
