Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
