I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
