So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
