So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
