She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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