# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
