dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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