No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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