you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
