i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
