Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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