He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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