I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize