the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
