What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You are the jesus of drinking
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize