There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
