I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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