I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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