So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
