# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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