During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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