he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we made out on top of his cat.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
