Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
