there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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