He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
