if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
