I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
